So, Flowers in the Attic

flowers-in-the-atticLifetime’s Flowers in the Attic was, all things considered, fairly lackluster. It is more faithful to the book than the previous adaption, but that sadly means that it’s actually… Kinda boring, with an ending that just… Stops. (Which is why the ’87 movie added “EAT THE COOKIE, MOTHER!“) Incest aside, Flowers is mostly kids sitting around and angsting, and this version seemed too afraid to bring on the extra cheese. You need to go the full American Horror Story Ryan Murphy, and this… Did not. It goes through all the right motions, but the true batshit spirit of the story is nowhere to be seen. Maybe this is the Andrew Neiderman version of Flowers in the Attic?

Big shockers: Finally, the perfect role for Heather Graham’s insipid blankness; Giving the grandmother something of a soul. Who saw that coming?

I don’t think you tried at all: The swan bed. More batshit, less hot-gluing swan cutouts on IKEA frames.

Future prospects: The series gets progressively crazier over time; Petals in the Wind is already in development and does give Lifetime a lot more to work with.

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